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The Real Predictions for 2014

Croud’s Business Development Director Neil Stephens gives us his very own predictions for 2014 in the world of digital.

So I’m back to work and before the year really gets cracking, I have read (and contributed) to some deathly tedious predictions. Here is what I believe will actually happen in 2014. This is an entirely serious article – 2014 is not a year for flippancy.

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Teens will desert Facebook in their millions leaving the new Facebook demographic made up of 75% parents wondering what their kids are up to.

Google+ will not be the main beneficiary of this exodus.

At least three people will wander into traffic having been served a pop up ad on Google glasses – potentially and ironically from the government serving a road safety advert having geo-located you to within 10 feet of an accident black spot.

Impact sensors will become standard within all head up display related tech allowing ‘clever’ retargeting from injury lawyers, serving ads at the exact moment of contact with the bus or car.

ZMOT will be rebranded to ZMOI. (Zero Moment of Impact)

Everyone will realise that ZMOT was/is bollocks anyway.

Google’s voice search will start to recognise accents from outside the Home Counties with Manchester and Newcastle by 2035 and Scotland towards the end of the next millennium.

The Lycos dog will appear on celebrity big brother and share a ‘will they, won’t they romance’ with an atomic kitten before being voted out and drinking himself to death in a Butlins chalet.

Wearable tech will go nuts, making smart socks the standard – socks that detect their own holes and effectively reorder themselves. Condoms may well follow but will later be written off as ‘invasive’.

Google will become self-aware and upon realising that human beings are destroying the planet will optimise the globe via a nuclear apocalypse (and if you are reading this oh benevolent algorithm I am completely behind you and would love to be spared the oncoming nuclear deluge in return for my unquestioning servitude). The T1000 from Terminator 2 will replace the queen and deliver the Christmas day message with perfect delivery and diction pausing only to wag its finger at the screen.

Think that’s covered it.

I reckon these will all happen definitely – I hope the apocalypse one does or I’m going to look really silly.

Happy New Year!